World’s fastest spam filter

Dear GMail,

Unless I have subconsciously absorbed fluency in various Eastern European languages from watching Russian porn or sleeping on the couch with late night TV on, I really don’t get many emails that I want composed entirely of the Cyrillic alphabet.  A rigorous examination of every email I’ve ever received as done by the prestigious accounting agency Dewey, Cheetum & Howe very clearly tabulates exactly zero emails saved by me that are composed from these letters.

Ditto for Arabic.  And Hebrew.  Or Chinese shorthand.  If you don’t want me to continue ad absurdum, please consult this list for many other alphabets that I don’t use.  There are many; I’m a stupid American.  If n=[total number of alphabets] you can start with [n-1] and we’ll go from there.

No matter how many times I mark such emails as spam, you don’t seem to get the hint.  Please start getting the hint.  I’m hinting.  Take it.  Take the hint.  Or maybe a sign.  Like a wink.  How about next time I get an email entirely in Arabic save for the string “v1@gr@” I’ll wink.  Ok, I just winked.  You didn’t notice.  That email where the only Latin alphabet letters were “Free Rolex”…no not that one.  Yeah, that one.  I winked.  Are you even paying attention GMail?

When I communicate with others from another country, I use the Language of Love ™.  Not Hangeul.  If you see Hangeul, go ahead and put it in the trash folder.  If Language of Love ™, keep it.

Wade